Not so sexist after all

Last night Zach and I continued along with our movie series at the Elsinore.  This one was from the early 1950’s, and it was called All About Eve.

On our way in, the theater handed us a program of sorts that included a few pages describing and somewhat dissecting the movie.  It mentioned that the movie probably wouldn’t play well in the modern era because of a particular line that is criticized as anti-feminist/anti-woman.

In the play, a 40 year old actress who has dedicated her long days and nights to her career,  says something to the effect that her life means nothing without a man in it.  On the surface level, that sounds pretty bad.  Before I met Zach, what I had to strive for was advancement in my career.  I also had great friends and family who gave my life meaning.  I wouldn’t say that life without him was meaningless, and certainly, it was not meaningless because of my gender.  However, in the context of the entire movie, it must be noted that she was talking about a particular man who had been her significant other for some time.

The character was not implying that her life lacked meaning because she was a woman, and women don’t matter if they are not attached to a man.  She was implying that there was someone who had stuck by her and pursued her even when she was being a pill, and that her life would be richer if she devoted some time to him.

It is one of the most basic human longings, to yearn for someone to share our lives with, someone we can trust, someone we can depend on long-term.  This is neither a uniquely male nor uniquely female desire, but a human desire.  And it is good.  Work is a part of our lives, and it is a good part of our lives, but it must be balanced by real connection and real love for our lives to have meaning.  Living simply to work is a disordered way of living.  While work can be a source of joy (and truly, I love my job) and a significant way to contribute to our communities, it is also a means of supporting the ones we love. 

I am not afraid to say that, while I feel proud of the work I’ve put into getting to where I’m at in a career I love, finding “the one” and having a (someday) family has always been a bigger goal to me than my career.  The reason the career came first is that attaining it was more within my control.  The fact that marriage/family is a more important goal to me might not be the “cool” thing to say, but it’s true, and I don’t feel it makes me any less a feminist.  I am sure there are plenty of men who prioritize their goals in similar ways, and ultimately I believe that this is a fundamentally good way of looking at things, and a sign that one’s priorities are in the right place.

As a side note, I would also like to add that there is a younger actress in this movie (“Eve”) who attempts to seduce the husbands of two women who are older than she is, and the husbands will have none of it.  They don’t even entertain the idea.  I don’t feel like I see very many shows or movies where this would be the case these days, and I found it refreshing.  (I also feel lucky and proud to have a fiancé who I believe with my whole heart is that kind of stand-up faithful man.)

Since a few weeks ago, I complained about how horrified I was that a movie from the 1950’s showcased domestic violence as both romantic and comedic, I felt that it was important to recognize that there is value to be gained from the culture of that particular decade.