All I Want For Christmas Is You

You either love it or hate it, but as a product of the 90s and as someone who
thinks Mariah Carey has once-in-a-generation level talent, I fall into the “love it”
category:  I love the song “All I Want For Christmas Is You.”

Before I met Zach, I spent most Christmases single as a dollar bill. So it was
sort of a general wish out into the universe rather than about a particular person:
All I want for Christmas is you...whoever you are.

Zach and began dating in late 2009, but it was a long-distance relationship for the

first year and a half.  I flew into Chicago to visit him on December 26, 2010,

and then I also remember telling him, “all I want for Christmas is you!”  (And

indeed, it was only a few months later that he got a job in Portland.)

Of course we went on to get married and start a family, and life has been very

good to us.  We had our first baby, our Zoey, a few years in. We had picked the

name Zoey for a girl before we got engaged, but didn’t have a second girl’s

name; it’s something we talked about shortly after Zoey was born, and discovered

that we both liked the sound of the name Hannah.  And in fall 2017, we discovered

that we were once again expecting a child, but this time it ended the way so many

pregnancies do, even though it is rarely talked about. We lost that pregnancy on

December 9th.

As Catholics, we often look to the Saints for examples of how to both live joyfully

and how to handle difficult situations.  When I looked up patron saints of infertility

and pregnancy loss, I was shocked to find that St. Hannah is one that is looked

to for guidance in that area, and her feast day is December 9th.

We made it through Christmas and New Years that year, though none of it felt very

joyful.  In May 2018 though, we found out that we were once again expecting a child.
The early days of that pregnancy were navigated with some fear, but come Christmas 2018, my belly and heart were full, full with our Hannah. Once again, that familiar tune
was all over the airwaves, taking on a new meaning:

I just want you for my own

More than you could ever know

Make my wish come true

Baby all I want for Christmas is you

This season, as the song plays on the radio, and I sing along (off key and loudly!), sweet Hannah baby babbles along from the back seat.