Let Down

My first full time job out of college was with Child Welfare.  Because I was hired in a bigger county, they had a couple of units designed specifically with Child Welfare rookies in mind, where the new workers could start with lower caseloads and get more attention and training.  Because they were sister units, we sought advice and help from the supervisors of both.  Overall, I really respected and looked up to my supervisor.  But I also couldn't help but look up to the supervisor of the sister unit as well.  He had worked in Child Welfare a long time, and had a gentle, but hilariously sarcastic, personality.  He was kind and patient and grandfatherly, and gave great advice on how to keep children safe.

A couple of years after I left that office, the kind, patient, grandfatherly supervisor, who had given so much great advice that had stuck with me, was indicted by the federal government for distributing child pornography.

Hearts broke all over that office, and all over the state, as he had worked in many offices.  There was denial, there was confusion, and none of the details were released, as you might expect.  However, the fact that some of his colleagues who loved him the most accepted the situation and ultimately believed he was guilty led most of us to accept the same, at least eventually.

Those of us who had spent time under his tutelage felt understandably conflicted about what to do with the wisdom we felt we gained from him.  There were varying thoughts about us, but eventually most of us could come to a place where we felt that even though this supervisor, this mentor had committed unspeakably evil acts, that this doesn't mean that his ideas, his insight (which were in direct conflict with his behavior), were worthless.  They may have been ideas and insight we gained from this person, but that was because they made sense in the context of our own values.  They were worth keeping.

Everyone has role models that will let them down.  Some of these "let downs" will be of the "people are imperfect" variety, and some of them will be shattering.  If you haven't been shattered, it is likely that it will happen at some point.  It might make you question what you learned from that person, and it will be up to you to separate the wisdom from the person.

I have never watched 19 Kids and Counting, but I understand that in the past couple of weeks some scandal has come to light.  I understand that many fans of the show share values with those expressed by the family.  I understand that the family are devout Christians.  I also consider myself a devout Christian.

As a Christian, it feels hard when a major leader (or public figure of varying types) fails hard.  I feel defensive because I worry that the individual's activity will be interpreted as an inherent value of the belief system.

That's simply not true.  People who do outrageously awful things fall in all categories of people: rich, poor, Christians, Muslims, atheists, social workers, accountants, Americans, people in far away countries...all over.  However, people who do outrageously wonderful things also fall into those categories.  Someone's actions do not negate an entire belief or value system.

In the case of the 19 Kids family, what I understand is that the kid molested several children during his young adolescence, among them were siblings.  He did come forth and tell his parents, who, in my opinion, failed to fully remedy the situation.  They did more than nothing, but less than enough.  Having the kid talk to a family friend and go away for 3 months simply isn't enough to fully understand the underlying reasons for why he did what he did, and what needed to be done to keep him from such behavior again.  You simply cannot treat a huge issue like this in-house; there is too much bias, even if you try not to be biased.  (It is for this reason that professional counselors cannot treat family members and friends; they are too close to the situation to be objective.)

I am just hoping that not too many of my fellow Christians feel they have to somehow "soften" the actions of a famous Christian, in order to profess the same values that the famous person professed.  I do not disagree with the family's devotion to their faith, but I do disagree with an inadequate response to a serious crime.