It's poisonous though.
I started realizing how much I was doing it when I re-upped my commitment to gymgoing. I would silently complain about the guy who saunters around the gym for an hour but never actually works out, or the soccer mom with a full face of makeup and hoop earrings, or the girl next to me who uses the treadmill in a weird way. I would make little comments to my husband as we left, and then I realized I was doing it every single time.
But what, really, is the point? Is it that I'm the perfect exerciser (actually, I'm sure my fellow gym-goers think the odd patterns of running and walking dictated by the c25k program I'm doing seem really odd, and I'm sure someone laughs at the pitiable amounts of weight I'm using on the weight machines)? Even if that were the case, that's not really a good reason. Is it insecurity? To be honest, I really do not have time to care what other gymgoers think of me, unless I'm directly offending them or impeding their workouts.
It's pride! Pride feels really good. Judging is fun. If you share judgments of other people with someone, it can serve as a bonding experience. But it's poisonous. It's like eating a bunch of sugar free gummy worms before bed. It feels good and you think it's guilt-free, but before long, you are going to wake up at 2:30am and be in the bathroom for a REALLY long time, and you are going to think your entire insides have liquefied. (Not that I have any experience with that scenario.)
Really though, the more you judge other people, the more you hold yourself to a really odd idea of perfection, and in the long term, it can lead to greater insecurity, anxiety, and just kind of being a crappier person all together.
I've been thinking about it, and I think for Lent I am going to try to replace these judgments with prayers. I am going to try to be more mindful of my urge to judge other people (not just at the gym, but all over), and when I catch myself judging I will offer up a quick prayer for them.
To be honest, it would probably be easier to give up chocolate or Diet Pepsi or even wine (maybe...), but this will probably be even more meaningful.
Ash Wednesday is one week away! Wishing everyone a meaningful and fruitful Lenten journey.
Actually, chocolate and soda are easier. I already did a similar onr and it was rough and not entirely successful but very illuminating.
ReplyDeleteOh believe me, my Lents are NEVER entirely successful! I don't think I've ever gone an entire Lent without falling back on what I said I'd give up, except maybe the year I gave up alcohol. (Let's not talk about what happened the weekend after Easter THAT year.) If I can improve the way I live, I will consider that a success! And yes, you can hide yourself from chocolate and soda, but not from your own malicious thoughts!
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DeleteMy comment ws deleted not because it was inappropriate, but because the blogger people are apparently headed to New Orleans for FAT TUESDAY, and they wouldn't let me edit the mistakes, which now I believe, is what Lent is all about.
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DeleteI'm having fun here learning about blogger. The second delete was because I double posted. Is it my computer? Is it the website? I can't believe I double clicked, but perhaps I let my finger do too much walking.
DeleteLOL Tom. Your comments come to my email so I saw them all anyhow :). Your point about Lent being like a speed zone is a good question. Sue Gifford (May God rest her soul!) who was the director of the OSU Newman Center (the OSU Catholic club, basically) while I was there had a different take on Lent. She said that she saw Lent not as a time to change habits for a lifetime, but to unite oneself with the suffering of Christ. Therefore, for instance, if someone gave up chocolate, every time they were about to reach for an oreo, they were instead to contemplate the meaning of sacrifice. So I'm kind of doing it wrong, but I still think it's a good practice :)
DeleteMy comments go to your emails? I would be in trouble with military secrets. Can I forward my BIG LOTS emails to you? Willing to split commissions. I got about 487 others emailsI haven't read. But back atcha... :)
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