And you know what? It's bringing out something in me that I'm not proud of.
I can't bring myself to care.
I just can't dwell on it. I can't. I avoid the news to avoid hearing about it. I might say a general prayer for people around the world in harm's way, but I can't even bring myself to pray directly for these big disasters. I don't know what I'm afraid of. I can't think about what those people are going through, I can just barely acknowledge that there is some big disaster going on and that lives are going to be turned upside down.
What is wrong with me?? I've formed the beginnings of an entire career around caring about people who are hurting the most. Why is it so hard to give some of my attention to these big disasters that affect so many?
Maybe it's a control thing. In the jobs I've had, I may not have ultimate control over the outcome of anything, but at least I can do things to directly impact a hopefully more favorable outcome.
These big disasters just seem insurmountable. I feel powerless to do anything about them. So I cut myself off of caring about them, and it's awful. When the tsunamis in Japan were happening, I was working in residential treatment for kids with mental illnesses. I remember sitting in a classroom where the teacher was showing the kids video footage of the earthquakes and water rushing up from the ground. I went to the bathroom like 3 times during that hour, not because I had to go, but because I just didn't even want to be in the same room as those videos playing.
Am I the only one? Does anyone else avoid these things? Or has anyone else experienced the same feeling I have, and found a way to get over it, to open themselves up to caring more?
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