Purpose

So I started this intending to get more political, and it will come, but the things I tend to be mulling lately are more spiritual in nature.  And religion is also considered to be an impolite dinner topic, so we're gonna go with it.

People who know me know that my job causes me a significant amount of anxiety.  I'm always worrying that I'm not doing enough to help my clients, or please the judge or the attorneys or the review board or the special advocate or the foster parents or...

But...I'd be lying if I said my job didn't bring me a certain sense of satisfaction.  This is not to say that I want to be in this job forever, but it is in my target "field" of work, and sometimes I get to make a positive difference in someone's life, when I am not busy shuffling papers to make central office happy.  It is in keeping with what I feel is my vocation.

To that end, if I believe that my vocation is my calling, and that by following my calling I am doing the kind of work God wants me to do, I am worried about pleasing all the wrong people.  Yes, I need to do good work and follow what is expected of me so I can keep my job, but in the end, I answer to God.  I left my office tonight at 6:30, annoyed with the voicemails I had from people who were annoyed with me for not having returned their calls yet, and I thought to myself "Man, they think I'm neglecting them, I bet few of them are neglecting themselves the way I am."

Then I went on facebook.  A facebook friend had posted the following:

"I am a servant to my creator."

That said it all.  I may serve others, but it is all in the name of serving God.  I have to do the best work I can, but nobody is coming to my home to take care of me except me.  And if I let my job suck me dry, I have nothing to give my clients.  If all I can do on a 3 day weekend is lie around catatonic, and I still don't feel refreshed by the end of the weekend, somewhere I am getting my priorities wrong.

I pray that I can become a more effective caseworker by letting go a little more.