Switch to a more political/philosophical topic

I believe in privilege and power and the role it plays in our lives.

I was talking today to someone who thinks completely opposite of me.  Which is a valid position to hold, even though I disagree with it, but it fascinates me how something that I see everywhere--some see nowhere.

Are our lives a product of our decisions?  Well, yes, but the decisions we make depend on what choices are available to us.  And if you ask me, there is a VAST variety of the range of peoples' choices.

For instance--I am white.  I am German, French, Dutch, Belgian, and maybe just a little Scotch.  Therefore, I can easily ignore race.  In this country, especially in my little corner of it, if somebody is not white and only white, race is not something they can ignore.  Being not white makes them "different" or "other" and they are confronted with it on a daily basis.

Because I work in such a freakishly un-diverse county, poverty is something that plays a huge role in the differences between people.  The amount of money someone has contributes so much to his or her power, status, and privilege.

For instance--we all make better choices in life when we are not stressed out.  But if you don't know where the next meal is coming from for you and your kids, and you are a single mother, you might latch on to a man--ANY MAN--who can help you get non-negotiable necessities.  You might even think you are being a good, resourceful parent for doing so.  And you may not have the resources to check what his background is like.  Once you start adding in factors such as addiction, having been neglected or abused or molested in your own childhood...well, unless you've been there you probably can't imagine what it is like to try to make all the right decisions for your family while everything is all muddled.  On top of that, let's say you have a state agency on top of you telling that you are doing things wrong and you better shape up or else your kids will get taken from you...how do you not just blow a gasket?  Have a psychotic break?

And here's the question I perpetually struggle with--If I, the holder of privilege and power, am charged with helping 15+ families recover from these kinds of situations, and have 40 hours per week to do so, where the heck do I draw the boundaries??  I can't get enough work done in 40 hours to be considered social justice.  But the state doesn't want to pay us overtime anymore, and I also don't want to work for free.  But should I, in the name of social justice?  Where does my work end and I begin?  How do people in positions of power who want to affect social justice in an overworked system manage?

Purpose

So I started this intending to get more political, and it will come, but the things I tend to be mulling lately are more spiritual in nature.  And religion is also considered to be an impolite dinner topic, so we're gonna go with it.

People who know me know that my job causes me a significant amount of anxiety.  I'm always worrying that I'm not doing enough to help my clients, or please the judge or the attorneys or the review board or the special advocate or the foster parents or...

But...I'd be lying if I said my job didn't bring me a certain sense of satisfaction.  This is not to say that I want to be in this job forever, but it is in my target "field" of work, and sometimes I get to make a positive difference in someone's life, when I am not busy shuffling papers to make central office happy.  It is in keeping with what I feel is my vocation.

To that end, if I believe that my vocation is my calling, and that by following my calling I am doing the kind of work God wants me to do, I am worried about pleasing all the wrong people.  Yes, I need to do good work and follow what is expected of me so I can keep my job, but in the end, I answer to God.  I left my office tonight at 6:30, annoyed with the voicemails I had from people who were annoyed with me for not having returned their calls yet, and I thought to myself "Man, they think I'm neglecting them, I bet few of them are neglecting themselves the way I am."

Then I went on facebook.  A facebook friend had posted the following:

"I am a servant to my creator."

That said it all.  I may serve others, but it is all in the name of serving God.  I have to do the best work I can, but nobody is coming to my home to take care of me except me.  And if I let my job suck me dry, I have nothing to give my clients.  If all I can do on a 3 day weekend is lie around catatonic, and I still don't feel refreshed by the end of the weekend, somewhere I am getting my priorities wrong.

I pray that I can become a more effective caseworker by letting go a little more.