When I tell people that I work on an all-female unit (for now) at Oregon State Hospital, and love it, I get some odd looks. But here's the thing. Yes, the women can be (CAN be..not always...) a little more demanding of my time than men might be. However, when it comes down to it, which is better? Someone who will share some of their needs with you so you can help them, or someone who shuts you out and doesn't bring up their problems until they are REALLY messy/urgent? So many these women have had so much worse done to them than they have caused, and I can't think of a single one that isn't a HUGE example of resilience and strength. Pair that with an AWESOME interdisiplinary team, and I am blessed beyond measure. Even after a tough week, I freaking LOVE my job!! <3
Maybe it's an ego thing. Maybe I like to be able to say that I've taken on challenges that others have shied away from. Or maybe it's a byproduct of living in a world where "it takes all types," but I have also loved working with teenagers, and it's one of the top 3 things I miss about working in Child Welfare. If not the #1 thing.
Due to HIPPA and privacy issues and ethical issues, I can't go into detail about the amazing stories of resilence and strength of the amazing teen-kiddos I've worked with, but here's the thing: Even if they are too cool for school with you, all they want in the world is for you to listen to them and take you seriously, even if you don't agree with them and even if you want them to make different choices than they ultimately make. When a former child welfare co-worker joined me at the State Hospital, I learned that there was a particular teen on my caseload...who I thought hated me...and it turns out I was someone she really looked to and trusted. I can't tell you how crappy I felt for assuming I didn't matter. I can't tell you how crappy I felt for not listening a little more and judging a little less. BUT. I can't tell you how good I felt knowing that the little I did listen, the little I did show that I care, meant a lot.
I had 2 teens in my entire child welfare career, one girl and one boy, admit to me that I had meant something to them. (The girl more than the boy, which is to be expected). With not an ounce of ego, I have to think that by showing up, by being someone with decision-making capability in their lives, that I made a difference. How much I cared determined how much of a difference, and how positive a difference.
You don't have to be "cool" to work with teens. I'm not. I never was. You just have to give a damn. You have to care enough to get pissed off and cry when they go missing. You have to care enough to be honest with them about what will make them successful. Most of all, you have to care enough to be vulnerable, to show them your heart, to show them that you want them to kick butt and take names.
For some reason, we are afraid, in our professional lives, to use the L-word. But whether a kid is 2 or 17, you have to be willing to love them. You don't have to say it, because they can tell.
