The trip of a lifetime: Slowly exploring the life-changing Oregon coastline

Several years ago, I came up with this idea that it would be fun to really explore the Oregon Coast in-depth.  There is so much there, from the tacky tourist traps to the majestic viewpoints, and everything in between.  I started thinking about how much there is to do in even one small area, and how a road trip from Astoria to Brookings, that really encompassed everything, would have to be quite long.  I came up with an outline that does it all in 31 days--a perfect summer month!  (And I would envision this trip happening during the summer, for maximum benefit.)

And yet, still, this doesn’t encompass everything.  I did not list every single state park, golf course, lighthouse, etc.  There is simply too much.  You could spend a whole year along the Oregon Coast without doing it all, but this was designed to give folks a heavy sampling!

That said, not everybody has a month to take off and do something like this.  If this idea appeals to you, but you have a shorter timeframe to work with, an itinerary like this can be massaged to fit your own schedule and priorities.  (I tried to make sure there was something for everyone with regards to things like hiking, golf, fishing, but if you need more, all that stuff is an easy google search away! Insert as needed.)

Notably absent from this guide are lodging and dining recommendations.  I am kind of envisioning this trip as an RV trip, but you could also camp, stay in the cheapest motels possible, or only the most grand.  And the Oregon Coast has all of it!  There are also too many places to dine, and too much difference in taste to adequately pick out places to eat for anyone who might happen upon this blog post.  I did make one recommendation in Lincoln City for a spot to eat breakfast.  Other than that, you are on your own for these accommodations!  If you end up making this trip or one similar, maybe you can let me know about some of your best recommendations for food and dining.

In addition to all the other preparations one might make for a 31-day trip (and possibly longer, depending on how long it will take you to get to Astoria/home from Brookings), I would highly urge anyone embarking on this journey to purchase a 12-month pass to the State Park system in Oregon.  Lots of the attractions I mention are part of this system, and while a one-day pass will cost you $5, a one-year pass will cost you $30!  (And you will have it for 11 months after your trip is over, too, to explore some of the other great wonders of Oregon.)

Without further ado, I present Megan’s One Month Guide to the Oregon Coast!  Don’t forget the camera, you won’t want to forget this trip of a lifetime.

Day 1

Though this journey is meant to be about Oregon, I actually recommend starting on 101 in Washington and coming south into Astoria, so as to experience the largest truss bridge on the continent, at 4.1 miles long!  It is a sight to behold.

Once in Astoria, go check out the Goonies House. You can’t go in, but it’s a great photo op. While you are in the area, check out the Oregon Film Museum.  It’s an old jail, and there are displays set up in the cells.  The Fratelli Brothers’ RV is parked outside!

Next, take in the Maritime Museum. It contains 30,000 maritime artifacts and 20,000 maritime photos of the Columbia River and Pacific Northwest, for $12 per adult.

Finish off the day’s sight-seeing by warming up those legs...there are LOTS of walking and hiking activities ahead for you in the next month!  Go to the Astoria Column, with 164 mural-lined steps and magnificent view on top!

Day 2

Get a fairly early start today.  Go out to Fort Stevens, and explore there.  Don’t miss the Peter Iredale shipwreck while you’re there!

Next, head to Fort Clatsop, and explore all the Lewis and Clark exhibits and artifacts. Then, find the visitor center there to start the 6 mile Fort to Sea Trail hike.  Arrange for a shuttle car or cab pickup on arrival, or be prepared to hike the 6 miles back after exploring the beach!

You can either drive to Seaside tonight or tomorrow morning, it is only a 15 or 20 minute drive.

Day 3

This is your day to experience tourist Seaside.  Walk the promenade, browse the shops, ride the carousel, eat some maple-covered bacon, go down to the beach and swing on the swings, rent a boat for the canal...take your time!

Day 4

Head out of town a bit to hike Saddle Mountain!  It’s a fairly difficult hike, gaining 1800 feet in elevation over the course of 2.5 miles, but the views and wildflowers should be worth it!

If you are still recovering from Fort to Sea and the Astoria Column, you can instead elect to go golfing.  Highland is one of the better courses in the area, $28 gets you 18 holes.

Day 5:

Drive down toward Cannon Beach and enjoy Ecola State Park.  It offers 8 miles of beach trails with secluded coves and even an abandoned lighthouse! You can take your time here and just meander and explore.

Haystack Rock is the only other item on your agenda today.  It’s a 235 foot tall seastack, great for photographing, and a great beach to explore and relax on.

Day 6:

Continue south and explore the towns of Manzanita, Nehalem, and Rockaway.  If you happen to be Catholic like me, and can time this day to be a Sunday, I recommend taking in mass at St. Mary by the Sea in Rockaway.  It is a very sweet little parish, and as you leave mass, the doors pretty much open right up onto the beach!

Recommend making it to Tillamook, as that is when your next day starts.

Day 7:

Work up an appetite by going out to the Bayocean Spit, and doing the 7.6 mile hike out to the end.  Despite the distance, it is easy, being very flat.  Bayocean was a planned resort community that was not well planned--it got wiped out by the ocean going over the peninsula.

After all the hiking you have done in just the last 7 days, it is time for a treat!  Head over to the Tillamook Creamery, widely known as the Tillamook Cheese Factory.  Take the tour and get some cheese, but for the love of all that is good and holy, do NOT pass up getting an ice cream cone!!

If you still want more to do, you can check out one or both of a couple local museums, the Tillamook County Pioneer Museum or the Tillamook Air Museum.

Day 8:

This is really the one time your main route veers off Highway 101.  Instead, you will be taking the Three Capes Drive, as 101 goes inland a bit and this keeps you closer to the ocean.  Follow signs for Cape Meares, and head south on Highway 131 from there.

At Cape Meares, visit the “haunted” lighthouse, take in the ocean views, and enjoy some short nature walks.

Continue south to Cape Lookout State Park for views of hang-gliders and the majestic beaches and cliffs.

The third cape of the Three Capes is Cape Kiwanda, renown for it’s photography opportunities.  Some may say it is the most beautiful spot on the Oregon Coast, but with nearly 400 miles of rugged coastline, that’s a pretty tough call!

Settle into Pacific City for the evening

Day 9:

Splurge option: Hang gliding lessons with Oregon Hang Gliding school, $130/person

Active option: Hike Cascade Head, 4.2 miles round trip, for impressive views over the coastline
Low key: Rent a bike, explore Pacific CIty, whale watching, golfing in Nestucca

Head to Lincoln City

Day 10:

The ONE AND ONLY dining recommendation I will make: Nelscott Cafe for breakfast.  It’s small, and recommended you get there fairly early to beat the crowd.

Lincoln City boasts an outlet mall that seems to attract a lot of people.  It’s worth exploring, if for nothing else than killing a little time.  There is something kind of fun about strolling through a mall while you can smell the salty ocean air.

If you did not get your shopping fill at the outlet mall, you can find lots of little shops all up and down 101 in Lincoln City.  Make sure to get some saltwater taffy, many shops sell it!

This is probably also the only time I will recommend taking in a movie, but check and see what the Bijou is playing. It is an older theater with a sweet old-timey feel to it.  They tend to play older movies or less popular movies, not your typical current blockbusters.

Finally, Lincoln City is known for kite-flying!  Stop at a shop and get your kite on!  Go run into the surf where the D River enters the ocean, while you are at it!  (D River is reportedly the shortest river in the world!)

Day 11:

Get up a bit early to enjoy the morning air, and take a long drive to find a short hike.  Look up directions to Drift Creek Falls.  Getting there is not easy, but from the trailhead, you hike 1.5 miles to a place where the creek you’ve been following...jumps off a cliff and joins a bigger river!!  It is quite the sight to behold.  In addition, you get to cross the bigger river...on a super awesome suspended bridge!!  At that point, you’ve seen the best of the hike, so you can feel free to turn around and come back to your car.

If you are feeling up for it, Lincoln City still has more to offer.  You can choose to spend your afternoon on Devil’s Lake, fishing, swimming, and boating, or you can instead check out Salishan Golf Course if you are so inclined.

I also have great childhood memories at Fogarty Creek State Park just north of Depoe Bay.  If you just need a little more beach time, I suggest getting on the road south toward Depoe Bay and stopping here on the way.

Day 12:

Wake up in Depoe Bay, and choose either the 8 o’clock trip or 10 o’clock trip on the Whale’s Tail Zodiac Boats out into the ocean for some whale watching!  A 90 minute trip is well worth your time and $35 per person

Continue south toward Newport.  Near Otter Rock, stop in for some tasting at Flying Dutchman Winery, then go and see the Devil’s Punchbowl, where the water sprays up from the rocks as the waves come in.  There are some tidepools near Otter Rock, I suggest going down to them to explore the underwater ecosystem.  Sea anenomes are my favorite, but keep an eye out for starfish and other creatures.

Settle in to Newport for the evening.

Day 13:

Spend some time at the Oregon Coast Aquarium.  Among other things, they have a huge underwater glass tunnel where you can see all sorts of water creatures, including small sharks, swim all around you.

Head to Agate Beach for some exploring and agate hunting!  (Full disclosure: I was privileged to spend one summer living on Agate Beach...like the house I rented a room in looked over the beach.  I watched the ocean while I ate my cheerios.  So I have special sentimental attachment to this beach, but really, it’s amazing.)

Schedule this ahead of time, as tours fill up, but take a tour of Yaquina Head Lighthouse at 12, 1, 2, or 3.

Spend some time relaxing, and end the evening with a bonfire on Nye Beach!

Day 14:

Drive inland on Highway 20 about 7 miles, and take the business route through the small town of Toledo.  Explore the downtown area, which is along the Yaquina Bay.  (It could be argued that it’s more of a river at this point.)  

Take Highway 229 across Highway 20 to Siletz.  Not a lot to see or explore here, other than to maybe find a spot for lunch.

From Siletz, take County Road 410 abou 12 miles to Moonshine County Park.  Locals to the general area rave about this swimming hole!

Head back to Newport

Day 15:

Start your day at the Hatfield Marine Science Center, kind of a more academic aquarium, run by Oregon State University.  (Personal bias: it has to be good!)  I have been here, but not since childhood.  My outstanding memory of it is that I got to touch an octopus, and that was pretty cool.

Next, while you are in the bay area, get a tour of the Rogue Brewery, some of the best beer in Oregon.  Stay for samples if it suits your fancy!

The Nye Beach area has lots of fun shops and eateries, mostly with a lighthearted “new age” feel to it, so spend some time here.

Beverley Beach State Park would be a nice place to wind down in the evening, and maybe take in a sunset.

Day 16:

Down by the bay (sorry, no watermelons grow here…), you can take in some great tourist kitsch, with the Wax Museum, the Undersea Gardens, and Ripley’s Believe It Or Not, I believe all for $25 per person, last time I checked.

Walk the shops and restaurants on the bay, spend some time watching the seals

Visit Yaquina Bay Lighthouse and State Park

Day 17:

Newport is going to be your longest stay at one spot, and this morning you leave it!  Head south a little bit to Seal Rock.  Explore to your heart’s content, including shops and Seal Rock State Recreation Area, where you will have the chance to explore some more tidepools.

Continue south to Waldport, where you can take in the Alsea Bay Interpretive Center, including crabbing and clamming demonstrations, and a bridge walk tour.  Waldport is a very quiet town without much of a tourist presence, and it would be a nice place to just take it easy for the evening.

Day 18:

Admittedly, I have never really stopped to explore Yachats, but it has been sworn to me that this is the best town on the beach, and perhaps the best kept secret.  It may be worth exploring to see why!

Then visit Cape Perpetua for some of nature’s wonders.  Tidal pools, coastal forests with pristine ocean views, a spouting horn, and something called Devil’s Churn, which I am told you have to experience to fully appreciate.

Continue south toward Florence, and visit the Sea Lion Caves.  You start at a great lookout, and then an elevator takes you down into the caves where Sea Lions live and feed.

Head into Florence and explore shops and dining.

Day 19:

Honeyman State Park sits just south of town, at the beginning of the Oregon Dunes.  You may frolic in the dunes, and one of my favorite things to do is go down to Lake Cleawox which is excellent for swimming.  The fact that it is surrounded by sand keeps it fairly warm.  You can also rent some non motorized boats.

For some adrenaline-pumping fun, check out Sandland Adventures for a wild dune buggy ride!

Day 20:

I am advised that the Hobbit Trail, which is near Heceta Head but quite hard to find, is a great thing to take in.  It is ¼ mile down to a quiet beach, which you may have to yourself!  It’s reportedly good for finding sand dollars.

Heceta Head Lighthouse is regarded as maybe the best lighthouse on this trip.  It sits atop a cliff and promises some of the best views in the region.

Finally, you may finish out your time in Florence with the Florence Historic Walking Tour.  It is self-guided, with stops suggested by a local museum.

Next, head south to Reedsport, and inland 3 miles to Dean Creek Elk Viewing for a relaxing end to your day, observing the natural world.

Day 21:

Explore Reedsport area:

Overlook Trail

Umpqua Discovery Center

Umpqua Lighthouse

Loon Lake

Day 22:

Head to Winchester Bay for more Dunes fun with Dune Country ATV Rentals.  They are reportedly incredibly friendly and helpful toward first-timers.

Visit Tenmile Lakes for fishing, swimming and boating.

Head to the North Bend/Coos Bay area for the night.

Day 23:

It has been reported to me that as you are passing through North Bend, at one point just off the highway, you can see a model Beaver seated atop a pile of woodchips.  Know that being a Beaver fan is a huge part of Oregon Culture.  You’re not cool unless you’re a Beaver fan ;).

Visit the Coos Art Museum

Visit the David Dewett Veteran’s Memorial

I have never seen Shore Acres State Park personally, but from people who have lived in the area, I have heard very good things, and the pictures look stunning.  More than just a State Park, it has botanical garden, a japanese garden, and a gift shop.

Day 24:

Southern Oregon and Northern California, along the coastline, are famous for the Oregon Myrtle Tree, which produces a beautiful wood product.  Visit the Oregon Connection House of Myrtlewood and look over their gorgeous products, maybe take home a souvenir!

There are a few casinos along the Oregon Coast, and you may have squeezed in Chinook Winds in Lincoln City or Three Rivers in Florence, but this is also a great opportunity to explore the Mill Casino in North Bend.

Check and see what is playing at the Egyptian Theater.  It is an old renovated theater with a Wurlitzer organ.

Day 25

Bias here is that my brother is deep into the world of golf (he is a golf course superintendent) so when I think of Bandon, I think of how he loves to play golf here!  And indeed, there are some world-renown golf courses.  I think his favorite is Bandon Dunes.  It’s a bit of a splurge, but I’m told that if you are a golf lover you won’t regret it!

If you are not much of a golfer, you can still take in this part of Bandon by playing the Bandon Preserve, a par-3 golf course.  It’s less expensive than some of the regular golf courses, and the money goes to a good cause.

Like many other coastal towns, Bandon has a fabulous boardwalk of shops.  Be sure to take some time to explore them!

Bandon is the self-proclaimed Cranberry Capital of the World, and has lots of shops with all things cranberry, but visit a farm (they grow in a bog) to get the full cranberry experience!  Faber Farms is one that offers tours.

Bullards Beach State Park, with dunes, beach, crabbing on the river, and a lighthouse seems like a great way to end the day.

Day 26:

I have regrettably never been to West Coast Game Park Safari (still Bandon), but I know people who have.  And those people have held baby tigers.  So I suggest checking this out!!

Bandon also boasts a lavender farm (Merritt Lavender Farm) with a labyrinth, which probably smells amazing.  Probably a great way to get some zen, since you have now been on the road for nearly 4 weeks!

Finally, visit Face Rock State Scenic Viewpoint.  From the Oregon State Parks website: “There is an American Indian legend about this spot. Some say they hear a maiden's voice on the wind, and standing on the cliff overlooking the ocean you can easily pick out the face on Face Rock. There is a well-kept trail to the beach, and several rocky intertidal areas to explore at low tide.”

Day 27:

Continue south, toward Port Orford.  Visit Cape Blanco State Park.  This is the home of the westernmost point of the continental United States.  It is recommended to have both a windbreaker jacket and sunglasses, to protect your eyes from the sand!  Some visitors report that the sand blows in ripples, like waves.

There are lots of walking trails, and the oldest working lighthouse in Oregon, along with tours of the lighthouse.

If you were inclined to do any camping, there are 22 spots here, but they are first come first served.

Day 28:

Explore the Port Orford Lifeboat Museum, Port Orford shops, and maybe Humbug Mountain State Park for a hike which, at 6 miles is “Lush, green, narrow, steep, and divine” according to one yelp reviewer.

On the drive to Gold Beach, don’t miss out on visiting the Prehistoric Gardens with huge, kitschy models of dinosaurs, or the views at Sister’s Rock State Park.

Once you get to Gold Beach, take in the sights of the Mary D. Hume Steamship remains, a steamboat that sunk and just has stayed over the years, but a great photo op, and if you need more to do, check out the Curry Historical Museum.

Day 29:

This one is not for the faint of heart!  Jerry’s Rogue Jets will take you to places you can only otherwise get by hiking, and it’s a great, beautiful, scenic trip up the Rogue River.  There are day trips, but I recommend getting away from modern life for a night, and staying at the furthest point this boat goes, at Paradise Lodge.  You will need to leave at 7:30 in the morning.  Pack light, but bring the essentials, and maybe some spending cash!

Day 30:

You will be returned to Gold Beach, arrival time about 3:30pm.  Relax and enjoy the town of Gold Beach, as well as it’s beautiful (and typically warmer than most places on the Oregon Coast) beaches.

Day 31:

Head down to Brookings for your last day of this journey!  Enjoy the beaches, the town, and maybe go see Oregon’s largest Monterey Cypress tree!

If you made it this far, congratulations!  I hope this Oregon Coast Binge is a life-changing experience.  It will probably be years before I get to do something like this, so if anyone out there reading this does this trip, or a similar one, please let me know about anything I missed, or anything that should be struck from this itinerary!

Blogger's Block

I have to admit that my hiatus from blogging has not been intentional.  Nothing that's come up lately has inspired me to write, for a variety of reasons.  I'm currently researching a particular topic, which is halfway code for me saying that I am a little chicken to tackle it.

Anyone have anything they particularly want me to write about?  Or know my thoughts on? Etc...

Quick Thoughts About Free Speech

Free speech is important, and one of the foundational rights of US Citizens.  Lately I am hearing a bit of confusion about free speech. Let's take a moment to examine exactly what the constitution says about it.

"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances."

The first amendment actually contains a few rights, so let’s isolate this one for free speech:

“Congress shall make no law...abridging the freedom of speech.”

Pretty simple, but I will say that it comes with some limitations, which I will link to later on.

And now, for a case study:

If you haven’t heard about the SAE fraternity at University of Oklahoma, here’s what happened. A bus full of frat boys were on a bus, singing a violent and racist chant, and someone caught it on video, which went viral.  The University president found out, and not only expelled some students, but gave the fraternity members a couple of days to move out, and closed the chapter.

The things these guys were saying were disturbing enough that nobody I’ve heard of is defending them.  It was pretty vile.  But I have heard a few people say “but what about free speech?”

Here’s my argument: their right to free speech was in no way violated.  What the right to free speech entails is that congress shall make no law that abridges it--not that you have the freedom to say whatever you want without freedom from consequences.

For instance, let’s say I decided to tell one of my patients that he or she was human trash, and would never amount to anything.  I would not be arrested, jailed, or fined by a government organization.  But what could (and should) happen is that I get reported and founded for patient abuse, and very likely lose my job and my social work license.  Even with those life-changing consequences, my freedom of speech would remain intact.

You can speak your mind.  You can speak your mind without formal legal action being taken against you (see exceptions below). You cannot always speak your mind and be protected from social sanction or consequence. Nor should you be.

Limitations to the First Amendment

I would easily give up being judgmental, if it wasn't so dang fun.

It's poisonous though.

I started realizing how much I was doing it when I re-upped my commitment to gymgoing.  I would silently complain about the guy who saunters around the gym for an hour but never actually works out, or the soccer mom with a full face of makeup and hoop earrings, or the girl next to me who uses the treadmill in a weird way.  I would make little comments to my husband as we left, and then I realized I was doing it every single time.

But what, really, is the point?  Is it that I'm the perfect exerciser (actually, I'm sure my fellow gym-goers think the odd patterns of running and walking dictated by the c25k program I'm doing seem really odd, and I'm sure someone laughs at the pitiable amounts of weight I'm using on the weight machines)?  Even if that were the case, that's not really a good reason.  Is it insecurity?  To be honest, I really do not have time to care what other gymgoers think of me, unless I'm directly offending them or impeding their workouts.

It's pride!  Pride feels really good.  Judging is fun.  If you share judgments of other people with someone, it can serve as a bonding experience.  But it's poisonous.  It's like eating a bunch of sugar free gummy worms before bed. It feels good and you think it's guilt-free, but before long, you are going to wake up at 2:30am and be in the bathroom for a REALLY long time, and you are going to think your entire insides have liquefied.  (Not that I have any experience with that scenario.)

Really though, the more you judge other people, the more you hold yourself to a really odd idea of perfection, and in the long term, it can lead to greater insecurity, anxiety, and just kind of being a crappier person all together.

I've been thinking about it, and I think for Lent I am going to try to replace these judgments with prayers.  I am going to try to be more mindful of my urge to judge other people (not just at the gym, but all over), and when I catch myself judging I will offer up a quick prayer for them.

To be honest, it would probably be easier to give up chocolate or Diet Pepsi or even wine (maybe...), but this will probably be even more meaningful.

Ash Wednesday is one week away!  Wishing everyone a meaningful and fruitful Lenten journey.

Top 10 movies of the year is BACK!

You all didn't get this feature last year, but we are switching over to a more lighthearted topic now, my top 10 movies of the year, with a special appearance of my husband's favorites!

10. Oculus
For once, an original horror movie!  This featured a brother-sister pair who tried to reconcile childhood trauma perpetrated by a piece of antique furniture.  Sounds silly, but it had me looking around me when I left the movie...in broad daylight.

9. Interstellar
It wasn't perfect, and it took a little long to end (for my taste), but it was suspenseful and heartwarming, with flawed but endearing characters you could relate to.  Worth seeing, probably on the big screen.

8. Sharknado
HEAR ME OUT!!  We saw the RiffTrax version, and it made it EVEN FUNNIER.  There is no better movie to mercilessly make fun of.

7. Guardians of the Galaxy
Quick confession: I didn't really like The Avengers that much.  I went into GOTG thinking it would be similar to that, but I was WRONG!  It was cheesy and hilarious with characters that you couldn't help but falling in love with, including a giant tree that doesn't speak plain English and a tough-talking raccoon-thingy, all set to 80s music.  What's not to love?

6. 22 Jump Street
If you saw 21 Jump Street, hopefully you agree with me that it was a pleasant surprise in terms of "dumb" comedies.  Most of the funny parts were not in the trailer.  The same can be said of 22 Jump Street, which is just plain fun, and self-aware enough to make merciless fun of itself at the end.

5. Gone Girl
I picked up the book in the airport so I could read it on our flight to Hawaii.  It was hard to put down--even in Hawaii!  The movie didn't quite live up to the book, but when does that ever happen?  The book was detailed and layered and it would have been impossible to include everything in the movie.  However, the movie was well done and managed to capture the essential details and then some and had great pacing and casting.  It is a hauntingly disturbing tale, kind of the antithesis of The Gift of the Magi.

4. The Judge
I hadn't seen much about this before seeing it, and didn't expect to like it as much as I did.  Robert Downey Jr.'s soulful brown eyes help him perfectly portray both the ambitious charisma and vulnerability necessary for the role of a hot-shot attorney who comes home for the first time since childhood to see his estranged father after the death of his beloved mother.

3. The Edge of Tomorrow
Tom Cruise must repeat the same day again and again, under the guidance of Emily Blunt, until he gets it right.

2. Nightcrawler
Jake Gyllenhall has always been a great actor, but I think this movie is proof that he just keeps getting better and better--his tics and facial expressions say it all, he barely needs a script in this movie about a sociopathic news filmer who will go to any length to capture the story.

1. Dallas Buyer's Club
Matthew McConoughey's character finds out he has AIDS in the early 90s, and finds a way to obtain the best possible treatment for it, making unlikely friends in the process.

Honorable Mention: The Giver, partly because it was a favorite book from my childhood, and partly because I thought the film adaptation was spot on.

Bonus: Zach's Top 10

10. The Purge 2: Anarchy
9. Tusk
8. 22 Jump Street
7. Gone Girl
6. Judge
5. Dallas Buyer's Club
4. A Walk Among The Tombstones
3. Birdman
2. Guardians of the Galaxy
1. The Edge of Tomorrow

The blessedness of sorrow at Christmas

I got married in September 2013, and it was a dream come true for me.  On the outside, I might look like a career woman (and I am, indeed, deeply invested in the work I do.  I love it and it is a part of me!) but in actuality, that was really how I kept myself busy doing something I had full control over, while deep down I always knew that I wanted that life partner, that soul mate.  I found him a few months before my 25^th birthday, and the whole thing unfolded at a fairly slow pace, but I did get what I had always wanted.  And it’s amazing.

Prior to that, I did keep my life happy and busy with school, work, and lots of amazing friends.  In retrospect, I am very grateful that I spent the first half of my 20s single (for the most part).  It lent itself to some adventures, and to be honest, some extremely memorable shenanigans.

However, that season of my life was not without its difficulties.  I often lacked confidence and felt unwanted.  Valentine’s day could fly by and I’d be fine, but for some reason Christmas felt particularly difficult.  To this day, I maintain that Christmas is the most difficult time of the year to be single as a young adult, even when surrounded by amazing family and/or friends.

Throughout my early 20s, my brothers and I would attend Midnight Mass together (my parents bowing out of the tradition once our church switched to actual midnight midnight mass, as opposed to 10pm midnight mass).  Every year at midnight mass, it seemed I would encounter something profound.  My feelings of worthlessness, unwantedness, and loneliness made room for the Christ Child.  It’s something so difficult to explain, but I usually felt profoundly sad, and at once so close to God that it made me feel warm, protected, comforted.  It did not diminish the sadness, but it added something to my life.

I feel that more that other years, 2014 has been a year of great loss for so many.  The last few weeks, my heart has especially felt for two women in their 20s whose husbands have passed away.  Each faces a unique struggle that seems almost unbearable, and yet both have in ways demonstrated a faith in God and a closeness with Him that is unshakeable.  One of them is an especially good friend of mine, and gave someone else the words "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted" Psalm 34:19.  I can only imagine that she is living those words daily, and that she knows them better than I ever could.

Christmas is a time of year that can feel magical and wonderful, but it can also sometimes highlight what (or really, WHO) we do not have.  If you have experienced great loss, or are waiting around for something you desperately want for your life, I do not believe that feeling sorrowful is a sign of weakness.  I pray that in your sorrow, you can encounter the Christ Child, and feel His presence; that instead of taking your trials from you, He walks beside you through them, and shows you his mercy in a plentiful way.

Whether or not your Christmas is merry, I pray that it is blessed, that it is sacred, and that your joy runs deep.

A conversation that needs to be had, sparked by an event that's too sad to think about

My first full-time job following college graduation was as a Child Welfare caseworker:  I worked with the families of children in foster care, giving them direction and help as to how to reunite as a family.  I have seen my fair share of the effects of child abuse and neglect.  I often say, and mean, that for the most part I loved working with the parents AND children.  The majority of the parents made sacrifices and changes and worked hard to demonstrate their love for their children and ultimately win them back.  There were also some cases where I had difficulty identifying with or caring about a parent in any way, shape, or form.  Sometimes it’s hard to find empathy for someone who hurt their child.

This past week in Newport, Oregon, a woman threw her 6 year old little boy off of a bridge.  He did not survive.  

This is very hard to stomach.  The little boy had autism and pretty severely so.  I can only imagine that as the person who cared for him and loved him the most hoisted him over the railing, he must have been so scared and confused.  My heart drops to think about it.  Rest in peace, little London.

I have been trying to work out what I am thinking about his mom.  She had a son with severe autism and a husband who could no longer support the family due to multiple sclerosis.  Anyone would feel a great deal of stress, but that on its own is no excuse for killing a child.  However, from what I have read, it sounds like she has a history of mental illness which has involved hospitalization.  I’m not sure whether her illness played a significant factor in all of this, but what I have learned about mental illness is how badly stress can exacerbate symptoms.

I have talked to a few people who say they don’t buy mental illness as playing a role in this horrible event.  And I don’t know that it necessarily did, but I just find it interesting.  I think when we see that something excruciatingly horrible has happened, we don’t want to let the perpetrator off the hook.  When we see something like the horrific killing of an innocent child, something in us needs to be angry.  Something like this seems senseless, and to make sense of it we need someone to be angry at, someone to blame.  It’s human nature.

I don’t know about Jillian McCabe, or her particular diagnosis or illness or history or any of that, no more that what is being reported in the news.  And the media will spin the story any way they want to get readers and listeners and viewers, making it even more difficult to know what actually happened.  (Though I do tend to think the fact that she immediately called 9-1-1 makes it difficult to imagine that what happened was 100% pure sinister evil--though stranger things have happened.)  What I do know is that mental illness is real, that it can be gravely disabling, and that it can take over a person’s life more than most people realize.

This past week I saw the movie Fury in theaters with my husband.  After I see a movie, one thing I like to do is go onto IMDB and look up the trivia about the movie.  One thing I found out about Fury is that during filming, Shia LaBeouf intentionally pulled out a tooth and injured his face for the sake of making the movie, and had an intense and dramatic religious conversion.  For a few years, I have dismissed him as a drinking and driving child actor weirdo, but the things he did during the movie strike me as manic symptoms.  I did a quick internet search to see whether anything had been written about him having a mental illness, but there was really nothing concrete.

I also think about Amanda Bynes, and her very public complete meltdown that she seems to have not recovered from.  Media outlets seem to love making fun of her, despite the fact that she has spent months at a time hospitalized for a mental illness.

Let me make a few points clear before I go any further:  1) The vast majority of people with mental illness are NOT dangerous, and are in fact more likely to be victimized than to victimize. 2) A child having a disorder that makes them difficult to care for, whether it is a mental illness or anything else, does not justify harming the child in any way, in any instance.

However.

Sometimes a person’s mental illness causes them to be dangerous to themselves or others.  The best way to prevent anyone being harmed is to get the sufferer of mental illness adequate support in a timely manner.  The sooner the symptoms can be stopped or managed, the better.  As evidenced by two celebrities (one of whom I am, admittedly, merely suspecting of mental illness), there remains a significant stigma around mental illness.  Imagine going through a scary and stressful time, then imagine being afraid of negative consequences associated with asking for help.  Is this how we want things to go?

Here are some things the average person can do to reduce stigma around mental illness:

1. Interrupt!  Interrupt discourse that says that mental illness isn’t real, or that it is a matter of pulling oneself together.  Interrupt discourse that calls people “crazy” in a derogatory way.
2. Do some research: find out what it means to have certain illnesses.  I knew someone once who thought bipolar disorder meant that sometimes the sufferer has a “normal” mood, and sometimes they are depressed, and that with focus, a person can overcome this on their own.  This is not true.  Bipolar disorder involves periods of mania, which can even include psychotic symptoms!
3. This one is hard for some people: Recognize that for many reasons, many people with severe and persistent mental illnesses abuse drugs.  This is a population of people more vulnerable to drug abuse and addiction.  Judging them or blaming them is not helpful, but what is helpful is having empathy and looking at the reasons for this, and for solutions to providing adequate support on a large scale.
4. Each person has his or her own unique experiences.  It is unreasonable to expect one person with schizophrenia to function on a certain level just because you know someone else with schizophrenia who functions on that level.  Mental illness has different degrees of severity, and the kind of support someone has, as well as inborn strengths, make a difference.

Once again, I don’t know London’s mother’s individual situation, I just wanted to start a conversation about mental illness and stigma.  

Please join me in praying for sweet little London’s soul, and for his family.