Confession time: I love Facebook. I do! I think at this point, that makes me old. I don't use SnapGram or whatever and I have a twitter account that I don't know what to do with (besides #BeaverFootball, the weekly-in-the-fall local Comcast show about you guessed it..Beaver Football!), and apparently there's something called Whisper, which sounds basically like PostSecret in real time? Who really knows anymore.
Anyway, I love Facebook because of the opportunity to connect to people in a way I wouldn't otherwise, and because sometimes it gives me the chance to peek into someone else's creativity. I especially love reading other blogs, hearing other people's points of view, musings, and just about their life events, their joys, struggles, frustrations, accomplishments...
One thing that I frequently notice on Facebook is links to blog posts saying things like "The 101 Things You Should Never Say To Your Grocery Store Checker."
Ok ok so that's a little sarcastic and hopefully it's taken in good humor. When you're a mother, when you're not a mother, when you're married, when you're not married, when you're not employed after graduating, when you're deciding to delay starting college...I realize all these things come with questions that have a way of digging a knife into your soul. I get it. We could all use a little more tact. Personally, I hate the question "How's married life?" And I realize that's a little petty; that's kind of the biggest thing that's happened to me lately, but when people ask me, do they REALLY want to know? I mean, I could answer "It's going great!" and that would be a legitimately truthful answer, but do people REALLY want to know the nitty gritty? I never know how much to say about it. Ask me "What's the best thing about being married?" or "What's the worst thing about being married?" or "What do you think about adopting a baby elephant?" ANYTHING ELSE! (No offense to anyone who has asked me this question. It's simply a pet peeve and you couldn't have known.)
I'm deviating from my subject again. The point being, I GET that people can be a bit unthinking, and can ask questions sometimes that make you a little angry or tug at your heartstrings in a heartbreaking way. Some questions that commonly get asked are also painfully personal, and you wonder where etiquette has gone.
However...sometimes I read those lists, and I think "How could a person who hasn't been in your position have known that this question was so difficult for you?" Sometimes a person's curiosity is driven by good intention and a caring spirit. And sure, we could all scour the internet for advice on HOW NEVER TO OFFEND ANYONE WITH YOUR QUESTIONS, but at some point we must take some responsibility for setting our own limits with folks. Have we turned into such a passive culture that we can't politely say "I'd prefer not to answer that question." Or "Oh, wow, that's just a little more personal than I feel like talking about."
On the other hand, I think it's fair to keep in mind the other person's perspective when you ask questions. Are you merely trying to satiate your own curiosity? Is your question asking driven by a particular agenda? If not, and if your questions are merely driven by good intentions such as demonstrating interest in the other person or trying to appropriately get to know someone better, and if you have given some good thought to how your questions might be received, then ask people questions! Make a good apology later if needed, but in the words of the star of one of my favorite childhood cartoons, "Get messy! Make mistakes!"
(Serious bonus points if you know who said that.)
I guess my point is, it is good to know what not to say to avoid seriously offending you. But some of those lists border on "it's just going to annoy me if you ask that," and if you ask me, that's a little petty.
